Tuesday, September 4, 2007
THAT MAN IS ME
A man stands up in front of a room full of his peers, one onlooker coughs, then another. A 9 month old toddler crawls away from her father who is holding a blow up book with pictures of Jesus inside-- the father bends over at the waist to avoid making a stir and goes after the crawling child. A woman with white hair clears her throat and swallows loudly. The man standing before them speaks.
"Good morning brothers and sisters. I stand before you today, humbled to be in your presence. I feel so unworthy to stand before you today. I just love and admire you all so much even though I don't really know many of you yet. Thank you so much for being so welcoming to my family and me in the short time since we moved here. When the bishop called me, I knew it was to give a talk, so I screened that call.. (nervous chuckle from the audience). But of course I decided to call him back, and that's why I stand before you today. I spent all week working late, so I didn't really have a chance to prepare this talk, so BEAR WITH ME."
BEAR WITH YOU???? Are you for real? You mean that I have to sit here and give you my undivided attention with an opener like that? Gag me with a spoon. How am I supposed to engage in what you are telling me when you have clearly told me that you are not only unprepared for this oration, but beyond that you are unworthy to stand before me. What? You are not!
It reminds me of Pride and Prejudice when Darcy proposes to Elizabeth Bennet the first time. He tells her basically that he has struggled in vain but it is no good, his feelings will not be repressed. He asks her to marry him telling her that while he does this he also realizes that proposing to her is most decidedly against the wishes of his family, friends and last but not least against his own better judgement. In her reprimand she asks him how this proposal could ever induce her to marry him. How could you possibly expect me to accept you when you told me that you were asking me against your own better judgement?? How can I care to listen to anyone who says BEAR WITH ME?
Peoples of the blogger community, I'm just going to come right out and say it-- I can tarry no longer: BEAR WITH ME: I am a really bad blogger.
WOW! I can't belive how relieved I feel. Having that out in the open is just an amazing feeling. I could have waited until national coming out day.. which is coming up all you closets out there.. but I think now is the time to get this all out in the open.
Elbow is a close friend and cohort of mine, and he encouraged me to write a blog. I love elbow with every fiber of my being, so I of course agreed. He told me that he thinks I have a lot to say that would be interesting to people. But here I am, a bad blogger with a head full of ideas. So starting from right now I am setting a completely different intention for myself, as Clark the blogger. I'm going to give myself full permission to be a stream of consciousness blogger. Where are all my stream of consciousness bloggers-- where are the ward members who give stream of consciousness talks-- lemme hear you say HEY (HEY echo). BORING TALKS IN THE MOTHER FRIKKIN HOUSE!!! I feel like if I don't have the pressure of being totally focused every time I write, then the chance of me being a good blogger, or at least a prolific one, will be much greater. Yeah, so basically I am giving the world full permission to completely ignore my blog because I have started it with the universal turn off: BEAR WITH ME. I am unworthy to write this blog. Who says these kind of things? I do apparently. THAT MAN.. IS ME.
That little stream of consciousness inside me breaks forth into a joyous refrain: I'm small I know but wherever I go the grass grows greener still. Singing singing all the day, give away oh give away. Singing, singing...