Saturday, December 29, 2007
Honestly I am surprised at how many people have contacted me as a result of my youtube offering. Suddenly people are pouring out their stories and their experiences to me like I have known them for years. It has been a truly humbling experience to hear what so many young men have been through on their journey as gay children of our Heavenly Father. Several people have also taken the time to write and share their disapproval of my testimonial. I have had a few people tell me that I am using voice for evil and not for good-- and I even had a comment recently tell me that I should make a nude video. Maybe I will-- maybe not.
Every time I get a response, I feel quite affected by it. When people write to thank me, I feel sincerely humbled and grateful that what I have to say struck a chord with someone else. When someone writes to tell me that I am doing harm, I feel genuinely hurt and sometimes a little confused. I am not impenetrable by any means, and I think I make my humanity glaringly obvious. Though it is hard to have others vehemently oppose my hard earned self awareness, I think its a really important part of sharing. Just because I have come to what I feel is a beautiful sense of peace and self-acceptance, that doesn't mean that others will feel that my peace is their peace. As zealous as I am about gay men and women having a full and happy life with a same-sex partner if they choose to, there are others who are perhaps more zealous about my reality being a false one (and this isn't my nose it's a false one!! anyone know that quote??).
The good thing about my current stance is this: For myself, I left no leaf unturned on the path that I have traveled. While I was in the church, I truly gave it my all to try to find a way to make myself feel whole and complete within that paradigm. Of course those that disapprove of my current position will always be able to say, "you didn't try hard enough Clark." Be that as it may, I know I did try hard enough. That is why, though it isn't easy to face the words of people who don't like what I've chosen to do, nevertheless I feel fully equipped to do so. As I simmer and stew on the words of others, both the words of support and the words of disapproval, I always come back to my center in a short time. I realize that I know what I know, and I can't deny what I know.
Overall its been enriching and quickening having openly expressed myself. I hope that anyone who can benefit from this blog and others like it will be guided to find it. I truly hope that people who are slowly accepting the invitation to die will reconsider and instead accept the invitation that is likewise extended: the invitation to fully live.