Thursday, May 14, 2009
Yoga Mind Revelations - Part 2
I am writing a part 2 because what I sat down to write no longer fit in what became part 1. I realized that I have 2 different ideas that came to my mind today.
After the class was over, I found myself to be in a very unguarded state of mind. There were these 2 girls talking and laughing in the lobby of the studio, and suddenly I wondered what my life would be like if I had married a woman. I thought to myself that I would probably have a couple of children by now, and wondered what that would feel like. I would love to have children one day, but I am not so determined to be a dad that I will ignore the data at hand. In other words, if it really works for my life to have children, then I think it will happen naturally. But if it doesn't-- if my career is such that I couldn't offer children a stable home etc., then I probably will not have children. This is quite a drastic change for me; I have always insisted that I will have children. So as I was disinfecting my yoga mat I thought about not having children as a potential reality for my life. That idea used to depress me, but now it does not.
I have read several books on multiple lives/reincarnation and found that a big part of me resonates with the concepts of that ideology. Intellectually it appeals to me because I like the idea of a consciousness that we get to bring a bit of past this life and into other ones. I also like the idea that parts of my personality are what they are because of things I have experienced past my own life's memory. But beyond that, I like the idea of reincarnation because it gives me a chance to accept my life fully. I get to have what I get to have, and even if I don't get certain things during this life, ie children, its ok! I have been a mother in other incarnations, I will be a father in others, and therefore I really do have it all. Within my body is a soul that has done it all dozens and dozens of times. I lack nothing. I have all that I need, and I don't need to mourn the losses of this life because this life is not the whole story.
Oddly, I feel that mormonism in some ways prepared me for belief in reincarnation. The pre-earth life, being an "intelligence" before I was created spiritually, being some sort of nebulous essence before that, and of course our life after this one-- in a way they are all incarnations. They are all new lives the connect with all the ones before and after.
Feeling connected to this idea-- choosing to believe that it could be true gives me a way to let go of feeling the pain of loss of something that is inevitably out of my control. What we get and don't get to experience in this life is somewhat in our hands, but it is also somewhat not. With what we can affect and control, we should go after all that we desire in this life, but if something we want is truly out of reach, we can accept that and know it has already been attained in the past, or will come to us down the road. But in the meantime, we should keep reaching-- because its good for us.