Thursday, February 11, 2010


I'm not writing with a purpose today I am just writing because I want to. I have to say, one of the major remnants of mormonism in me, which may have been an innate personal characteristic regardless of religious inculcation, is my absolute love of learning. I find that when I am not reading a book, or learning something new, I feel much less like myself. I have created a sort of public persona that really goes along with it too. For most of my life, I have felt some amount of pressure to live up to this persona; to always be learning a language, reading a dense book, or visiting an interesting country.

As a form of self-exploration I have, over the last few years, taken some time off from such lofty pursuits. I have spent quite a bit of time watching VERY delectable VERY trashy television (flavor of love 1, 2, AND 3-- nuff said), and have allowed myself a respite from my usual language studies. I haven't learned any weird alphabets and I haven't impressed co-workers by rereading "Heart of Darkness". I did, however, spend some time last Halloween speaking Russian to a random cab driver while dressed like Taylor from the Rachel Zoe Project. My cast mates were duly impressed, but I have to admit I was resting on the laurels of past linguistic pursuits. To illustrate, I was NOT speaking Hindi withe cab driver on the way home or even discussing the 5 Ks of Sikhism with him. And that haunts me to this day.

Just kidding.

But truthfully, after this self allowed cocoon from a persona greatly tied to my upbringing I have emerged the best butterfly I can be right now in my life. I have realized 2 wonderful things about myself: 1) that I feel most alive and most healthy emotionally and spiritually speaking when I am in the process of learning something exhilarating and fascinating and 2) I don't have to be doing it all the time to be a valid, whole, and happy human being. The "self" has no actual need for such rigidity after all! I think we are all expansive enough to realize and ACCEPT that we can be flexible with ourselves; even our own image of ourselves, and still be US. Not studying language did not take away my Clarkness. I didn't know that before, but now that I do, I can let my reading and studying and learning enhance my Clarkness instead of define it.


Wyatt said...

Your 'Clarkness' is one of the most beautiful things in my life.

Freestyle is brilliant. I want you to freestyle everyday. Like take 5 min. and just see what you come up with. Nuggets of effulgent sabiduria just flowing.

Jon said...

Those are some pretty sweet freestyle moves. Be careful of self-exploration though. I hear that leads to blindness...

Some Chilean Woman said...

What a fun blog I just ran into! Ex-Mormon here too, happy with my new life and who I am.



Jon-- did you see the film "the white ribbon"? Talk about exploration leading to blindness. Cra-Cra. Wy I love you con todo mi corazon. Some Chilean Woman.. I am really jealous of your user name though.. I wish Id thought of it first!

Gay Mormon said...


महान टिप्पणियाँ वारियर मित्र

Великий Воин Комментариев другу

P.S. "Clarkness" can indeed be a wonderful thing of infinite enviable value!