I have just decided to post this in its entirety. I know its a lot (60 minutes) but its in 10 minute chunks. If you are interested, dive in. It might be fun for you. Or not. :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
C.A.J.
- CLARK JOHNSEN
- I used to have 3 blogs. One for the gay part of myself, one for my family and friends and one for.. whatever. Well those days are over. I'm officially integrated. Travelers, welcome.
5 comments:
Clark,
Your blog is very personal, very touching in many ways. I particularly love the photographs of you as a missionary. You glowed, you were so happy, you were engaged in such goodness.
I was in a mild state of horror during the last video segment--actually, more so in the last, but throughout the others as well. I finally understood how a Korihor (Alma 30) could be so effective. You sit there, young, handsome, fit and trim, engaging voice, disarming charm, all of which are wonderful gifts from the Lord, and yet the way you choose to use those gifts sends a clear message: free wonton sex is okay, so long as you do not harm yourself or anyone else, it is okay, and there are no consequences. It is the gospel of free sex, and it can undermine a person's testimony by simply exploiting vulnerabilities; that is, you persuade people that their sexual longings are the very reason why the Church cannot be true, contrary to the testimony of the Spirit.
You are free to post, and I respect your freedom.
I for one will stand up in my own shy, hidden way, and show, “validate” as you put it, that the Church is right on homosexuality, that I am happy because I have chosen to bridle it, chosen to marry a woman, chosen to become a father.
Just because we can do something does not make it right. Being able to have free, wonton sex without regret does not make it right. There must be bounds; I as a father set them for my sweet little girl out of love and care. A Father in Heaven must be trusted to set them or us, and they play out as true. If you chose what the Brethren say and had a little one with that same engaging smile, that same sweetness you had on your mission and in your family pictures before you rebelled, you would know a happiness you cannot, I repeat, cannot now know. This happiness can only be experienced to be known; all explanations fall short. (You should have married the one girl you dated who accepted your homosexuality.)
Again, however, you are such a warm and engaging person. You are hard not to like, and what a gift that is! A warm human being, a loving man with a strong sex drive (like most of us, actually), in a position to influence others for good, or for error, based on what you choose. I'd be so happy to have you on the side of the Restored Gospel instead of where you are now. If you ever choose to come back, I for one would welcome you back in a heartbeat. I mean you no harm even if you don't though. Take care.
J, Parallel Mormon
Hi there.. I just wanted to thank you for your recent posts on my blog. I appreciate ALL perspectives, and your response was very thoughtful. And while you disagree with the direction I have taken, you had a kinder way of expressing that disapproval than most in your position would. I am so happy that you have welcomed E and K into your life, and I hope it brings you what you want. In terms of sex--- yes sex is an important part of my message, but it is not the gospel I now live by by any means. I do understand where you are coming from in saying this, but it is simply not the case. I am not on a crusade of any sort to use my good looks and charm to take people to the dark side. I am simply concerned with the suicide rate in gay people who are religious, and I think its important to let people know that there are other ways to live life than the way they may be currently living it. If people are happy and content with what they have, then I can only presume they will have no need for my story and it will not sway them either way. After all, a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. My mom always says that.
About your diagnosis of my my nervous/anxious happiness all I can say is this: its impossible for anyone to really analyze another person's level of happiness. People sometimes say they are happy when they are not, that is true! But, if put under the microscope, anyones happiness might be suspicious. I am not trying to say I am happier than a gay mormon in the church by any means. I am much happier than I personally used to be, but I might not be happier than you are. I actually write in an earlier post about this pressure to be and appear happy as a gay person who has chosen not to follow the church's teachings.
Finally, I am so thrilled that you have found such bliss in having a daughter! Children are something I look forward to bringing into my own life-- except I am looking forward to having a husband and a family instead of a wife and a family. This will work better for me, and it may work better for others who are like us. Your path is the path most men in the church have historically chosen. I respect and honor that path while I don't choose it for myself.
Again I very much appreciate all the nice things you say about me, and I am honored that you spent the time listening to what I have to say though much of it you don't endorse. You are clearly an awesome guy and I truly hope we can be cyber friends!
Clark,
I would welcome Cyber friendship with you in these ethereal realms. It would be easy to dismiss and distance, but I feel I learn something by keeping respect and communication open.
So many of the people I have encountered in the MoHo arena are so awesome, and you certainly are among them, even though we are handling our gayness in different ways.
You have a gift of likeability, a magnetism, make no mistake about it. The smile, the gazes, the inflections, the whole package. "Would that I were an angel" sang Nephi, but with all gifts comes the opportunity and duty to serve the Lord who gave them therewith. Would that I had your guts, gumption and overall appeal, but in my own small way I'll help as I can--in the Gospel.
All differences aside, let's get about the business of saving lives, really saving them in all regards.
Dear Clark,
I have spent the last hour watching your video blog, and I felt compelled to send you a note.
Thank you for the honesty and passion with which you presented your journey of faith. It moved me with great emotion. I am a follower of Jesus Christ but left the Mormon Church eight years ago. I hold a deep affinity for my friends that remain in the Church, and am grateful to remain in close contact with many of them.
The forthrightness with which you presented your journey speaks tremendously of God's grace (His free and unmerited favor) working in your life.
I hope you do not find this too odd, but as I was listening to your life journey thus far, I was reminded of a story that has always had profound impact on me from the New Testament. In John 8, the most righteous religious elite of Jesus' day, the Pharisees, tested our Savior by bringing him a woman despised by the Mosaic law because of her infidelity. In their self-righteousness, they eagerly desired that the Lord would condemn her. Instead, the Great Shepherd (Christ) said these gentle words, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”
I love what happened next...
Without saying a word, the elite of the religious elite filed one by one off the scene, proving their fault as greater than the woman they set on condemning. After the Pharisees departed, scripture helps me envision the Savior locking eyes with this woman, and with great love and compassion saying, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”
In the wisdom of our Heavenly Father working through Christ, He defied the righteousness of the law to prove Himself as above the law. As He continued His ministry, culminating at Gethsemane and His death on the cross, He became the Redeemer of all mankind, releasing us from all condemnation and shame. His resurrection authenticated this truly marvelous work and a wonder.
As you so eloquently stated about the Sabbath being created for God's children, my prayer for you is a continual, life-long, rest in the warm embrace of Jesus Christ. He will never leave you or forsake you.
Blessings, my brother.
Jonathon
I still haven't had time to listen to all your videos (my ex keeps coming in to bother me--he lives here).
There is something that I haven't run into yet when you were talking about the girl you dated. It is a HUGE EGO BOOST to the female (me) to think they are saving a soul or that this man will ONLY LOVE ME and, IF WE CAN DO THIS, WOW! Then we must be really righteous, huh!?!?
AND this is what the leaders who I talked to before marrying my ex played on. They knew what type of person I was--and they used it.
Another thing I found--if you have an e-mail posted, I could e-mail you more of my story that I don't want to post here (about how the church authorities handled us). Anyway--the mormon leaders have this "attitude" that IF ONLY a gay man can have sex with a woman (thinking as the "straight" men that they are), they'll NEVER go back. The men leaders CANNOT, ARE NOT ABLE, REFUSE TO put themselves in a gay's shoes. The leaders were SURE that if my boyfriend could just be TURNED ON by a woman, POOF, he'd be straight and never look back . . .
So far, I haven't seen one thing you've been wrong on. You must be a really good study on human behavior.
I hope parallel mormon comes back and reads some of the things I've said. I do take note that he makes a MUCH BIGGER DEAL of the daughter he wanted so badly--as if his wife is but a BREEDER (and I've heard that from gay ex-husbands before, too).
You've done a good job with this blog and your videos.
Post a Comment