I don't mean to be a bitchy gay but..

Really girls? Eat a burger. Doesn't their hair look like it is falling out? I actually love Rachel Zoe's show. Its really good. This is just a lot to handle!!

Living for Friends

Normally when a new show starts the rehearsal process, there is always a period where you don't really know anyone and so everyone is forming first impressions, putting their best foot forward, and trying to find out who will be their new besty, their showmance, their fierce hookup, WHATEVER. When I first joined the BIZ I would always feel totally frantic the first few days of rehearsal because I was desperate to make everyone like me. I would make my way through the cast winning people over one by one. A few people in my first casts noticed this and once they got to know me better, they would sort of call me on it. I remember one guy I became good friends with at Gateway playhouse said to me-- "WOW you had an inside joke with literally everyone in the cast within 3 days. That's kind of too much." It might seem all fine and good at first glance, the only problem is that I was giving everyone besty energy at the same time. Sometimes gay boys mistook my overzealous-friendliness for romantic preference. I had a particularly awkward moment with this guy in my 42nd Street Moscow cast. He literally came in to kiss me this one night after we watched some funny videos and went through our russian flashcards. I was like WTF is happening right now!!? I was totally cornered so I just leaned away and pretended I was reaching for my plastic cup full of diet coke. I actually think I said, "ummm I need to get my diet coke" as I ducked his surprising advances. Talk about tots awks. He then complained to everyone in the cast that I had led him on. Good times. The other huge problem with giving unilateral besty energy is that people expect you (appropriately) to sustain it! And trust me, you can't sustain it with everyone. So you just end up becoming a huge flake.

I changed my ways after a couple of years. I learned to hold myself back: to remember that I didn't have to win everyone's approval to be a valid human being, and instead just be kind and warm to people. I learned to wait until natural connections formed with people, and then I was able to sustain the different levels of intimacy I earned with different people.

This time, I am going into the show with some VERY dear friends, so I have been able to bypass all that "I don't know anyone yet" stuff. My dear friends Tia (who I have known since 1998 and who I just worked with last year in HSM) and Eddy/Troy (who I worked with in 1999 at Tuacahn) are both in the cast. There are also several other people I have worked with in the past as well. It just makes such a difference to have people in the room that you love and know and who are tried and true friends. Tia and I were L-I-V-I-N-G all day today at our rehearsal. It was literally like YA days. We were just laughing our heads off and paying just enough attention to not get in trouble. We are both signing in everyday with YQ (yes queen) instead of our initials. I doubt anyone will notice but everyday when I see all those YQs in a line I can't help but smile. We are just so happy and having so much fun. We even had a lunch date at a Thai place just below our rehearsal space. We laughed our heads off the whole time. We had Thai iced coffee. We were hyper the rest of the day and had even more fun.

Is there anything better than fun friends?

YAY

I'm back online. Oh my gosh I feel so complete now. Just go ahead and put the mark of the beast in my wrist or in my forehead or wherever they said its supposed to go. I just want to be on the internet all the time. Before I left for Chicago I was helping Constantine while he recovered from an adult Tonsillectomy-- a very painful surgery. He was on pain killers a lot of the time and so I was basically online as much as he was loopy. By the time he started feeling better, I was still online a lot at his apartment, and he was SOOO over me being basically attached to my laptop. I started to feel like that asian american couple on greys anatomy where the wife permanently lost her voice so she was just typing online all the time. Well, somehow they thought of a really dramatic way to give her a chance to speak again, but after the surgery she is scared to try and starts doing what she knows.. typing again. Her husband is like BITCH NO! NO MORE TYPING ON THAT F'ING computer. He gets all Thuy in Miss Saigon on her A and then she stops. I was beginning to think that C was going to flip his lid too. "You're always online! You never talk to me anymore." So I had to repent. In fact I had to do the five Rs of repentance to make sure. What were they again? Anyone remember?

SO. I live in these semi-furnished apartments in the Gold Coast area of Chicago. Its SO great. I say semi because it did have beds, but it did not come with dishes, kitchenware, bedding, towels, or a TV. I remembered about the kitchen and the TV, but not the bedding. So I had a mini camping trip with myself the first night.. sans smores unfortunately. It was just me in about 3 coats, 2 hoodies, a scarf and a sensible marc jacobs beany pulled down as far as it could get it. And believe it or not I slept like a little baby wrapped in swaddling clothes. I was also sporting my new patagonia long underwear courtesy of a gift card C's mother gave to me so I could get some winter essentials. After that first night of blissless camping, I got through my first day of rehearsal and then scurried down to the nearest Target and promptly spent 250 bucks buying everything I would need to get my apartment in shape. I actually got some cute dishes, some really great pillows, quilts, blankets so that my 6 months here would be cozy as can be. I am feeling really great about my pad now. Its all in order. I'm having a great time here. It might be freezing, but my heart is warm as can be.

Wired-less

Unfortunately I am still without Internet in Chicago. I have an appointment for Saturday morning with the cable company, so I should be good to go in a few days. I'll post some photos of my place in the gold coast area- I'm right by lake michegan!! I'm excited to read everyones blogs again!

In conclusion I'd just like to say:
Supercalifragilistic-betch-spialidocious.

Che farò senza Euridice

I am completely obsessed with the Met Opera HD Telecasts that are shown LIVE in theaters all over the world. There is about one every month. Last Saturday's was Orfeo et Euridice.. the story of a husband whose wife dies on their wedding day. Inconsolable, Orfeo, the husband, is visited by Cupid who tells him that he can get Euridice back by going down to Hades and taking her back. The one condition is that he must use music to get past the river Styx and the dead there.. and the other condition is that he must not look at Euridice until they reach the surface, nor tell her why. If he does, she will die again forever. Awakened from death, Euridice wants nothing more to than to be embraced by her lover. Orfeo, unable to look at her appears cold and unfeeling. On their way back to the surface she continues pushing him to look upon her, not understanding why he won't do so, notice her beauty, and comfort her. He cannot look at her and he cannot explain why. Eventually he feels so broken down by her sadness and complaints of his not loving her that he does look upon her at last. She dies again, and he returns to his agony. Then he sings the most famous aria from the Opera: Che faro senza Euridice? (what will I do without Euridice -- pronounced Eh-yur-ee-dee-chay) Its SO GORGEOUS! Traditionally the role was performed by a male castrato. Today a counter-tenor does it sometimes, but more often a mezzo sings the role dressed as a dude. In the HD telecast Stephanie Blythe sang the role. It was amazing. I just wanted to give you a little taste. This is a different artist-- a mezzo, but a great version.

QUEEN FEVER

Aretha's hat has created quite a stir. The minute she appeared on the TV screen the 1101001001010s started flying and text alerts where buzzing in people's pockets in a flurry of vibrations. A Flickr website has been dedicated to crowning other deserving "queens" with the sparkly regalia that was her hat. See them all here.

Here are several of my favorites.

The Light!

After what seems now like a year in technological oblivion, I have finally learned how to effortlessly get full movies onto my iPhone. Now I can become even better at quoting shit and making everyone who doesn't know the quote feel left out! SO MUCH FUN YOU GUYS.

My dear friend Craig did a lot of research and found that the best DVD ripper program for MAC computers is a program called iSkySoft. He was using the program last night and when i saw how easy it was, I decided I would come right home and download it. It does cost 40 bucks to license it, but if you are like me and want to make digital copies of your DVD library and you have a Mac computer, then it's well worth it. I already have Miss Congeniality, The Devil Wears Prada, and Chocolat on my iPhone. I'm LIVING! I just wanted to say that.

Vlog Header

Its not perfect but I have been wanting to do this for some time now-- a "what my videos are about" video to put at the top of my page. I used the YOUTUBE capture to record it which was VERY easy and VERY fast, but it cut off the last 8 seconds or so. I don't have time to fix it right now, so I thought I'd just leave it. Here it is

OTRA

You might think thats spanish for "other" but its not. Its an acronym for something I often run into: "On the Road Again" Yes that's right. Since it happens so often I figured I'd shorten it. I'm OTRA. Well, in a few days. Today I headed back to Astoria where I have been subletting since I got back from my last tour. Its been a great situation for me, and I have liked living here. Astoria is in Queens but its a quick train ride to midtown-- only about a 15 minute commute. A lot of actors live out here. The last month however I have not slept even one night here. In an impromptu attempt to move our relationship to the next level, Constantine and I have tried "living together" for the last month. The quotes are there because you're not really "living" with someone when you still have your own apartment to fall back on if things don't go the way you want them to. But I must say that overall its been quite successful. We have had the occasional SNAFU but that aside, I think it's been a positive thing. Taking a relationship to the next level can be risky though, as expectations tend to rise with more commitment. But you have to take those risks, right?

So today I'm back packing up my things to get ready to ship myself off to Chicago. I have decided to ship my big computer for my time there since I think it will be nice to have it since I will be in one place for so long. So I'm writing this last blog post on here (then I'll be laptopping it) and then sending it off to my apartment in Chicago! I am also filling up my suitcases and getting myself all ready for Tuesday. Our Addams Family reading presentation is at 3pm. After it ends, I will calmly go and get my bags, get in a cab and go to La Guardia for a 9:00pm flight. The next morning I will be at rehearsal bright and early in Chicago for Mary Poppins.

And just like that I'll go from being a ghoulish ancestor to a cheeky chimney sweep. That's showbiz kids.

Robert Louis Stevenson gets jiggy

When I was young my mom had us do choral readings. We all sort of made fun of it at the time, but none of us have forgotten those poems. For anyone who doesn't know, a choral reading is a group reading of a poem or other text, done with voices in chorus not set to music. Some lines would be done as solo lines, in groups, or omnes, like this:



Ill try to get one of the tapes of us doing the reading because its pretty brilliant. There are a lot of family rumblings going on that are extremely funny. My older brother Stuart is constantly disrupting and making fun of everything, my brother Guy is following him all the way in all his misbehavior, I am trying to micromanage EVERYONE into behaving, and in so doing am being a crazy nazi. Its a lot. ANYWAY, one of the choral reading sets we did was "3 poems by Robert Louis Stevenson." (we said this in chorus so I remember it). I'm blanking on the 3rd, but the 1st and 2nd were poems about our shadow, and sitting on a swing, respectively. Well the other day I stumbled on this poem by R.L. Stevenson, and I thought how funny it would have been to do this one as kids.

"You Looked So Tempting In the Pew"

You looked so tempting in the pew,
You looked so sly and calm -
My trembling fingers played with yours
As both looked out the Psalm.

Your heart beat hard against my arm,
My foot to yours was set,
Your loosened ringlet burned my cheek
Whenever they two met.

O little, little we hearkened, dear,
And little, little cared,
Although the parson sermonised,
The congregation stared.

Pretty steamy eh? Robert Louis was feeling it! I am thinking I should maybe find a few more poems like this and do an ADULT version of "3 poems by Robert Louis Stevenson".

GOBAMA

The White House page has listed, among other things, Obama's agenda for civil rights including specifically LGBT Community concerns.

Among them:
Expand Hate Crimes Statutes
Fight Workplace Discrimination
Support Full Civil Unions and Federal Rights for LGBT Couples
Oppose a Constitutional Ban on Same-Sex Marriage
Repeal Don't Ask-Don't Tell
Expand Adoption Rights
Promote AIDS Prevention
Empower Women to Prevent HIV/AIDS

Click here to read more about each. Its awesome that he and his chosen committees have started TODAY to outline their agendas for his term as president. It is comforting to know that there are people who are trying to look out for the civil rights minority groups in this country. GOBAMA!

Aretha's headwear and other Inaug thoughts

Yesterday at the "inaug" this is what Aretha was giving me. It was a real "yes queen" moment. A true true yes queen. You know its a serious affair when it basically looks like Sunday Best but hit with the bedazzler like there is no tomorrow. And one more thing I have to say.. YES GREY TONES!!! Get it girl. Her singing certainly had all the right spirit and soul, she just has a men's falsetto now though instead of a women's belt or mix. But vocal prowess aside, it was a WONDERFUL day.

Barack's choice to have Reverend Rick Warren, an outspoken opponent to gay marriage, deliver the inaug invocation was one questioned by many gay rights groups. However, at the end of the day, many felt that Warren's prayer (which I'll be honest I just couldn't get myself to listen to for some reason) was very inclusive and perhaps represented the beginnings of a dialogue between the gay and evangelical communities. That would certainly be helpful, as many gay people are people of faith, and a reconciliation of spirituality and sexuality in the world might help some trigger such a peaceful dialogue within their own hearts. We really need that. A lot of gay people of faith are still torn, distressed and suicidal. They shouldn't be. I'm not a prophet, but I can tell you that God does not want people to battle and rage against their own natures.

After the Rick Warren scuffles, openly gay Episcopal bishop Rev. V. Gene Robinson was asked to deliver the opening prayer at the Sunday inaug kickoff event, but for some reason this invocation was not televised. Censorship? Spokespeople for the Obama campaign said the choice to ask an openly gay bishop to deliver an invocation at another event was not related to the complaints about Rick Warren or appeasing anyone. According to them, the choice was an independent one, showing that though Barack ostensibly opposed "gay marriage", he is certainly for civil rights and full equality under the law for gay men and women who wish to partner legally. From a political standpoint, many feel that supporting gay marriage might have alienated the people of color base that he was hoping to bring into the voting booths. This hypothesis seemed to prove true, where in California Barack was overwhelmingly elected, yet prop 8 passed. It was later released that demographically, people of color voted for Barack and largely voted to shoot down gay marriage. In his speech though, Barack mentioned gays along with other racial groups, which I think is a huge step forward for this country.

It was such a moving display, wasn't it? It was so amazing to feel so proud of our country again. I feel like we really done good this time. I'm excited by the prospect of beginning a new era in our country, and starting this new era with such unity and such great HOPE.

Just as a final side not I really think people should start saying inaug for short. Its so sensible!! Try using it in a sentence today.

"yeah, I hope not sporadically"

Sickie poo

I have been around sick people for almost 2 months, and I have been a pillar of health. Until today. Maybe seeing my Constantine through what ended up being a quite grueling tonsillectomy put me over the edge. I'm not sure. But today I am down for the count.

BUT here is the good news. I have my iphone alarm set for 20 minutes. Every 20 minutes a really fierce cut of Jojo's "Too Little Too Late" pours out of my iphone to remind me to drink a glass of water. No one can accuse me of not pushing fluids. "I'm a pusher Cady. I'm a pusher!" Name that quote anyone?!

I feel inside my body the temperature rising to try to take down the virus that seems to be fighting just as hard. My body feels weak because of this immunity battle that is raging within. It won't be long now before the white blood cells seek and destroy. I see them now cascading through my body, overtaking the odious enemy.

Its happening now. I am getting better...

Ok intention set!

Rumi

The way of love is not
a subtle argument.

The door there
is devastation.

Birds make great sky-circles
of their freedom.
How do they learn it?

They fall, and falling,
they're given wings.

A sensible rant, but with restraint

On any given weekend night, in any given medium to larger metropolis you will find the people packed in. Into where you ask? Is it meetinghouses? Is it quiet coffee nooks? Is it their living rooms? Not so much. They are packed into the swankiest bar they know of.

Don't judge me for this. I was just in a bar less than 10 minutes ago. This whole culture is so unfamiliar to me that I literally felt like I walked into a space ship populated by aliens sizing me up to see what I'm made of. Here is what I feel. My voice hurts from talking over the pumping loud music. I saw about 6 friends, most of whom I have not seen for months. As I hugged them and said hello and started the conversation, I couldn't help but think it: is this the best place for me to catch up with these people.


Its dark. Its crowded. Its HELLA loud. People are out looking wealthy and happy, even if they are not. They are tipsy from drink. Although I am so grateful to have seen my friends all in one place I can't help but wish I could have been able to see all of them in another context. I know its too much to wish for to have us all meet at a metaphorical campfire and read some Poe while we cuddle, reminisce and roast marshmallows (again, metaphor).

What is it with these bars? What is it that brings these people together from an anthropological standpoint? Historically places like the well or the watering hole become places where people gather. Everyone needs water, right? Everyone needs it every day. What does the swanky bar offer that can be compared to the watering hole. Is it the alcohol? Is it the ability to see and be seen? Is it the opportunity to be a part of a community of like minded people? I am really asking.

The other thing I want to know is this: am I missing something? Are bars the bees knees and I am just missing the boat? My one hunch is that if I drank alcohol more frequently I would probably understand more the appeal of the bar atmosphere. But would that be a good thing?

One remnant of my mormon past is that I am not a frequent imbiber of alcoholic beverages. I'm really not against it in moderation, honestly. I just am not convinced that moderation is what is being practiced here. Am I being judgy? I'm looking for comments.